I can’t take Heroes any more. It’s just boring, not bad; the characters aren’t changing or evolving in any interesting way, and they spend all their time mucking around, tediously, on minor details. Will Parkman go to Pinehearst now or later? I don’t care! They’ve got the “let’s change a character into his or her opposite for a while and then change them back for no reason” problem big time (more about this in a later post). Sylar is very, very bad! Now he’s so good he’s cooking pancakes for little children! Wait! Now he’s evil again! Meanwhile, they have squandered their best character—Hiro Nakamura—turning him into a permanent “comic relief” character. Hiro got hit in the head with a shovel! And then—get this!—he got hit again in the head with a shovel! Could anything be funnier?

Yes.

So, I’m not watching it anymore. I have better things to do, like study French. I will only tune in for one thing and one thing only: I will watch the show again if they promise to have Mohinder die a slow (although not more than 7 minutes of screen time, please) and agonizing death. And to never use his voice again.

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In happier news, Larry Flynt (editor of Hustler) has kindly posted the entire “script” of Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? (Warning: not safe for work, and opens with a particularly hideous image of something that is evidently a woman, although I don’t know how many of her original body parts are still around.) You may be surprised to discover that porn films have “scripts” at all, and indeed the genre is unusual—among other things, the sex scenes are entirely unscripted—only the incidental actions and dialogue is. But some of it is pretty funny, particularly this scene between Serra Paylin and an intern attempting to get her ready for interviews and debates:

Paylin eventually leaves, and it turns out First Dude was hiding under the bed the whole time, waiting for Intern. Some of the other dialogue is pretty funny, although one can hardly imagine the comic timing and deft acting that actually appear in the actual film.