After a very promising looking beginning (two Firefly alums? massive Independence Day vibes? not very cleverly hidden anti-Obama allegory? Sign me up!), V has finally appeared.  And boy does it yank! The show was beset by numerous problems, including the studio basically firing and/or re-assigning everyone who worked on the show once or twice a month. And it shows—there are continuity errors all over the place, and there’s lots of post-recorded sound (specifically dialogue recorded not live, but dubbed in later). And by the second episode, I found I really didn’t care at all. It’s too bad—a lot of the show looks great (except the interior shots of the V spaceship, which are obviously green screened). But there a couple of things about the premise of the show itself that bother me.

Before I get to that, let’s dispense with the Obama question. They’ve asked Morena Baccarin if she is supposed to represent Obama. She said something that amounts to “maybe” (more exactly, she said  “I don't think we're saying Anna is President Obama. But…”) A reporter actually asked the White House press secretary, who said essentially that “being called an evil lizard man from outer space is actually one of the nicest things they’ve said about Obama today.” A few misguided souls have even tried to claim that the show—about a charismatic, mixed race visitor (who’s not actually from here—get it?) comes to Earth and inspires young people with messages of hope and change, and promises of—I shit you not—universal health care. But really, is an evil reptile wearing fabricated human flesh on top, determined to kill the whole human race. If that doesn’t sound familiar, well, then you aren’t reading paranoid right-wing blogs, my friend!

I actually find the chutzpah of the show’s allegory to be amusing. But back to the two things that annoy me. The first is that one of the show’s characters is something that is clearly supposed to be “the hunky, charming Catholic priest.” This type never goes down well, partly because we find the whole clergy-sex thing kind of icky, and partly because we just don’t much care for straight men in dresses who are not playing it comic. But in this case what irks me to no end is that the show obviously does not have a single Catholic on their writing staff. When Father Jack (Father Jack Bauer, perhaps?) learns that visitors have arrived from outer space, he has the sneaky feeling that they’re up to no good, and that something terrible is happening. Wrong. The proper Catholic response is to go and convert (an idea that has, oddly enough, apparently not occurred to either of the show’s two priests). Then, when the priest learns that the Vatican has welcomed the visitors, and declared their arrival is “part of God’s plan,” Father Jack just isn’t buying it. You see, in this world, Catholic priests arrive at conclusions based on their individual consciences through their private relationships with God! Like Protestants do in my world. Elsewhere, Father Jack bemoans that while he has direct orders from the Vatican to welcome the V, “I don’t see any basis for this in Scripture.” Because Catholics are so into scripture, and not at all into hierarchy. Some commenters assumed that he had to be Anglican because these kinds of reactions are so obviously mainline American Protestant. Maybe he’ll turn out to be Anglican, and he can hook up with the FBI hottie after being tortured by lustful thoughts.

That’s one thing. The other thing is this. Some of the V have been living here on Earth for many years. They’ve learned to appreciate us, like us and respect us—they’re “traitor Vs,” the good kind. As it turns out, some of them have even fallen in love with humans, even gotten married.

Let me ask the obvious, practical question—those “skin/flesh suits” the V wear, they work that well? Really?

This is a fairly standard trope in science-fiction, and it makes for some interesting stories and comical moments, but I find it absolutely implausible that aliens always happen to think that humans are the hottest things around. The Ferengi in Star Trek liked nothing better than human females. Human beauty, we’re told, is universal beauty (and sadly, I’m pretty sure this is a racial projection—white people are the universally desirable subject). (There’s a Larry Niven Kzinti story about a female Kzin falling for a human; and it’s in the Lois McMaster Bujold books, too, now that I think about it…) In any case, I’m pretty sure that I’m never going to fall in love with and marry a talking Komodo dragon, even if it’s the only game in town (some people I mentioned this to suggested that it’s no different from the isolated New Zealand farmer going for one of his sheep—that might be true, but if this is a purely sexual release thing, wouldn’t the V also go for… well, a sheep? Or, more plausibly, a Komodo dragon or a crocodile? People in isolation might occasionally have sexual contact with animals, but they don’t fall in love with and marry them. And it’s usually animals in the same class—mammals do it with mammals, not with reptiles, for cryin’ out loud! I mean, a bonobo will hump anything, but you don’t see bonobos humping snakes and lizards. And wouldn’t the V take off their flesh suits to, you know, do it? I mean, if you thought guys complained about condoms, how would they feel about a half inch thick layer of mammal flesh?)

In any event, I don’t believe it. As to the married Vs, how does that work? 

“Honey, you’re shedding again!  I really think you should see a doctor.” 

“No, no, dear—it’s just, uh, really bad eczema.”

Or:

“Dear, I’ve got good news and bad news.”

“What’s the good news?”

“I’m expecting!”

“Honey, that’s wonderful! But what’s the bad news?”

“My clutch will be between forty and a hundred eggs.”

Because, of course they’ll be able to have babies together.  Of course they will. Because, as I said earlier, the whole thing is always actually a racial allegory. In science fiction, species = race.